Two Heads Too Many

We all know that dogs are described as man’s best friend. But what if your dog had three heads and you were the God of the Underworld? Yes, I’m talking about Cerberus the three-headed dog and his owner Hades.

Cerberus held an important position in the underworld. He guarded the gates of hell. Ensuring that no ghost would leave. He was the offspring of two very important mythological creatures Echidna (half woman, half snake) and Typhon (a serpentine giant and the most feared creature). That’s a set of parents you really wouldn’t want to argue with about bedtime.

Now whilst I admit, having a three-headed dog as your protector sounds pretty great, no one would argue with you when you’re down the park. I am not so sure about the everyday maintenance of looking after a creature of that size, stature, complexity and probably bad temper.

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The most common descriptions of Cerberus describe him as a three-headed dog with a serpent for a tail and snakes protruding from his body parts. Not the nice fluffy image I originally had of him! Imagine having to feed three gigantic dogs, or at least having to provide food for three mouths, whilst a serpent tail waved backwards and forwards.

Bath time is a bit like tossing a coin in terms of whether your dog will or will not be happy with the experience. I’m not sure Hades would have had a bath big enough to fit Cerberus in. Although perhaps this task would have been left to those servants who didn’t perform their tasks to Hades liking. Now, a quick question. Do you think a giant dog also has giant fleas? Itchy Dogs can be a nightmare for any owner but imagine if the little pests causing that itching were the size of a mouse! There is definitely no way that Cerberus would be amenable enough to take any medicines to deal with these issues and so natural dog remedies would have to be the way to go. Hiding it in his bath water perhaps. Or once again leaving that dirty job to the mere mortals. It would be worth them reading the article on How to Bathe a Dog and Keep It Calm before hand though. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of a bite from three different directions.

Playtime and walking would a nightmare too. Three tennis balls and a dog trying to go in three different directions, all whilst being at least three times the size of the poor person in charge of “walkies” and don’t even get me started on the size of the doggy bags that would need to clear up after him. Maybe it is best to just stick with our mortal dogs and leave the gigantic monsters to the God of the Underworld.